So, adoption.com is seeking bloggers. Check it out and apply!
Surrender Survey January 17, 2008
Are you an American birth/firstmom? If so please make your way here
http://www.questionpro.com/akira/TakeSurvey?id=844922 and fill out the survey. Also, pass the link along to other parents who have surrendered.
Just thought I’d pop in here to wish everyone a happy new year. I hope everyone had a peaceful and safe Christmas. Chad and I had a great Christmas this year spent with family.
We had a visit with our bson T and his family in December. We spent the evening at the Calgary Zoo lights. We had a lot of fun and we are looking forward to more visits this year. I will post a few pictures in another post.
A few weeks back we were invited to T and E’s Irish dancing recital. I was thrilled to accept the invitation as we had not seen either of them dance yet. This was T’s first year dancing and E’s second year.
Irish dancing is amazing. The music is so soul inspiring and the dancers are beautiful in their brightly colored costumes. Now, it isn’t uncommon for me to become emotional during a musical performance or something similar. I don’t know why, but sometimes the music or the dancing hits me straight in the heart and I cry.
However, I didn’t cry this time until my boy came out on stage in his black shirt and pants and his colorful tie. He was surrounded by about 20 little girls. There are only 2 boys in the whole dance school. The music started, the dancers danced and I cried.
I don’t know what came over me. This time it wasn’t the music and it wasn’t the dancing. It was seeing my boy up there proud of himself and the dance moves he had worked so hard to learn this year.
Birthmother’s Day May 11, 2007
I am a birthmother, that means I have placed a child for adoption. So this Saturday I will be attending a Birthmother’s Day event sponsored by the adoption agency I placed through. This is a day for birthmothers and those in their lives to honor the sacrifice they have made by placing their children in the care of others. It is not a day of celebration, but a day of deep emotions and a day to honor the connection between the birthmother and her child. It is a very important day for me. Here’s an article I wrote two years ago for the agency newsletter and it explains a bit more about Birthmother’s Day and it’s significance. This article was aimed at adoptive parents and how they can honor thier child’s birthmother. If someone in your life is a birthmother, why not take this opportunity to honor her and her sacrifice.
With all this talk of Birthmother’s Day you may have a few questions. You may be asking yourself “I’ve never heard of Birthmother’s Day, what’s that?” I hope this will answer a few of your questions and give you an idea of what it’s like being a birthmother attending a Birthmother’s Day event.
Birthmother’s Day is a day to honor and remember the motherhood experience of birthmothers. It is held the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Birthmother’s Day was created in 1990 by a group of Seattle birthmothers who met each other at a birthmother support group. It grew out of the shared recognition that Mother’s Day is one of the most painful days of the year – second only to the birthdays of our placed children. For most birthmother’s there are no cards, no flowers, and no acknowledgement of our motherhood. It often seems as though birthmothers are even forgotten by those who received the gift and the privilege of parenthood through the birthmother’s loss. The pain a birthmother feels has been made invisible by a society that tells us we can forget. Without permission to grieve by those around us, birthmothers have lived in silence and isolation with a great wound upon our hearts and souls. Despite this invisibility and silence birthmothers are mothers.
Birthmother’s Day is a way to take back our rightful name of Mother and to celebrate ourselves as the ones who gave life. It is a way to expand the celebration of Mother’s Day to make it inclusive of all the mothers in our lives. It is a day to celebrate and honor the birth of our children – an experience many of us were denied. In doing this we affirm our relationship and connection with our children. We create a safe place to share our stories and become fully human again.
Birthmother’s Day is held on the day before Mother’s Day. There are several reasons for this. The first is to recognize that our motherhood is one of loss and abrupt separation, as well as love and connection. Secondly, our motherhood comes first and makes it possible for someone else to be a mother – the adoptive mother. If we had not given birth there would be no child for the adoptive family to parent. Observing Birthmother’s Day on the day before Mother’s Day symbolically represents this reality.
It is important for adoptive families to acknowledge their children’s birthmothers on Birthmother’s Day. Send her a card or an email letting her know you are thinking of her on this day. Unfortunately you won’t find “Happy Birthmother’s Day” cards at Hallmark. There are a few websites that offer cards for Birthmother’s Day – www.birthmombuds.com is one of them – check them out. Phone her and tell her what you love about her and your child. Send her flowers – every girl loves to get flowers. Maybe you’d like to sponsor your child’s birthmother so she can attend one of Adoption Option’s Birthmother’s Day event. It really doesn’t matter how you recognize her as long as you do so.
This is a wonderful day for birthmothers from both the closed and open systems to come together, share their stories and celebrate their motherhood in a safe and supportive environment. Birthmother’s Day is a special day for me. It is an emotional experience but also an uplifting and memorable day. I allow myself to be proud of the decision I made and to celebrate the other strong birthmothers in my life.
Kind of sad February 15, 2007
So Tuesday was our birthson T’s 7th birthday. Since I hadn’t gotten his birthday present ready and in the mail yet I sent him an ecard so that he knew we were thinking of him. I couldn’t call him as I was at work all day (and he was at school all day) and had the evening all booked up. So I sent the ecard, which will send an email notification to the sender when the person you’ve sent it to reads the card. No one’s picked up the card yet. 😦
So, yes, I need to get off my lazy, procrastinating, worrying butt and call, but really it’s just not that simple for me. I have this immense anxiety when I think of calling them. I really don’t think I have any reason to worry. We have a wonderful relationship and they have made us feel so welcome in their lives. I guess though, it’s just the awkwardness (since I’ve probably made about 10 phone calls to them over 7 years) that I fear.
Any other birthmoms have anxiety when it comes to calling their child’s family? I feel like I’m the Lone Ranger on this one though. I look around and see other birthmoms who can talk so freely with their child’s parents and I want that. I think I’ve just got to bite the bullet and start calling. Actually that’s one of the things I want to change this year. I am bad at calling lots of people in my life. Frankly, I suck….
So any tips on how to make this not so scary would be great.