Are We There Yet?

This is one crazy journey.

The dreaded question April 24, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — taramayrn @ 3:31 pm

Okay, so my first/birthmom friends know what question I am talking about – “is this your first pregnancy?”  It can send the most together woman into a tail spin.  I know for me it does.

I am not ashamed of my son or our adoption story, but I don’t feel the need to advertise it to everyone I know.  If you are worthy of knowing I will tell you.  If I think you will be supportive and non-judgemental I will tell you. 

So, not alot of people IRL know I’m pregnant yet.  Most of the people at work know.  I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and told a few people.  I of course, knew that working with all women would mean the whole unit would know within 0.2 seconds.  I’m cool with that.

So a few people at my work know about T and the adoption.  They are cool with it.  There are a few more who don’t know.  It’s not that I hide it or don’t want them to know it’s just that I haven’t found the right time to talk about it.  I can picture it in my head now, me and a coworker discussing a patient’s condition and I bust out with the news.  Talk about awkward.  It’s got to be the right time. 

So far I haven’t had the dreaded question a whole lot, although most people just assume it’s my first pregnancy and first baby.  Although for some reason some people seem to think I have all these kids I’m parenting – which I find hilarious, but anyways and when that happens I say, no, no kids at home, but have one living with his adoptive family.  I explain it all, answer the stupid questions and move on. 

I was kind of thankful for one lady, J. spilling my news one day.  It made it easier you know?  I should have really thanked her, but I didn’t.  A coworker who I’m quite close with and hadn’t found the right time to tell about T, said to me “oh well you’ll for sure be overdue” and J. piped in and said “well this isn’t her first pregnancy”.  And then I explained.  I don’t know, for some reason it seemed easier coming from her.  

So, I’m trying to prepare myself for the dreaded question.  I don’t want to lie because as I said earlier I’m not ashamed and I don’t want to deny T, but if I say “no” then I’ve got to be prepared to explain it to those that I know.  I mean I don’t care saying “no” to strangers who ask.  I’m not going to take the time to explain it all to them, but those that I know and know I am not parenting any kids will be confused. 

Any advice from those who’ve been there, done that? 

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5 Responses to “The dreaded question”

  1. Leah Says:

    I placed my first daughter at 16, and became pregnant again at 18 so I have been there with the “dreaded question.” I think how you’ve been handling it is reasonable and what I did as well. Strangers don’t need to know that sort of stuff, but close co-workers/family/friends certainly I would tell.

    I know it’s difficult though to find that balance. I know I didn’t/don’t want to hide it, I am not ashamed of my status as a birth mother. But, not everyone needs to know that about me. But, at the same time, I don’t want my birth daughter to feel like I just “forgot” her when I talk about my family because she IS so important in our family. Oh, it’s hard! It still comes up even now after pregnancy because people ask “Is this your only child?”

    I think you’re handling it great though, keep relying on your instinct to tell (or not) and when. Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope it goes smoothly!

  2. taramayrn Says:

    Thanks for stopping by Leah. I appreciate hearing your experience. I’m going to add you to my blog roll if that’s okay?

  3. Leah Says:

    Absolutely! I’ll add you, too 🙂

  4. taramayrn Says:

    Thanks Leah – your family is beautiful.

  5. Cristy Says:

    My daughter that I placed for adoption is 17 years old. I have two boys age 14 and 9 years old. I still feel stressed. For the most part I just didn’t tell anyone. That can turn around and bite you, because then you start to lead a lie. You can’t ever just talk to a friend/ co worker, because you kept quiet. In the past year, I have started to tell a couple people.


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