Okay, so my first/birthmom friends know what question I am talking about – “is this your first pregnancy?” It can send the most together woman into a tail spin. I know for me it does.
I am not ashamed of my son or our adoption story, but I don’t feel the need to advertise it to everyone I know. If you are worthy of knowing I will tell you. If I think you will be supportive and non-judgemental I will tell you.
So, not alot of people IRL know I’m pregnant yet. Most of the people at work know. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and told a few people. I of course, knew that working with all women would mean the whole unit would know within 0.2 seconds. I’m cool with that.
So a few people at my work know about T and the adoption. They are cool with it. There are a few more who don’t know. It’s not that I hide it or don’t want them to know it’s just that I haven’t found the right time to talk about it. I can picture it in my head now, me and a coworker discussing a patient’s condition and I bust out with the news. Talk about awkward. It’s got to be the right time.
So far I haven’t had the dreaded question a whole lot, although most people just assume it’s my first pregnancy and first baby. Although for some reason some people seem to think I have all these kids I’m parenting – which I find hilarious, but anyways and when that happens I say, no, no kids at home, but have one living with his adoptive family. I explain it all, answer the stupid questions and move on.
I was kind of thankful for one lady, J. spilling my news one day. It made it easier you know? I should have really thanked her, but I didn’t. A coworker who I’m quite close with and hadn’t found the right time to tell about T, said to me “oh well you’ll for sure be overdue” and J. piped in and said “well this isn’t her first pregnancy”. And then I explained. I don’t know, for some reason it seemed easier coming from her.
So, I’m trying to prepare myself for the dreaded question. I don’t want to lie because as I said earlier I’m not ashamed and I don’t want to deny T, but if I say “no” then I’ve got to be prepared to explain it to those that I know. I mean I don’t care saying “no” to strangers who ask. I’m not going to take the time to explain it all to them, but those that I know and know I am not parenting any kids will be confused.
Any advice from those who’ve been there, done that?